What do you do if your child IS the bully?

Alicia Drummond, our In-House Parenting & Mental Health Expert, shares her top tips for dealing with bullying from both sides of the fence…

What do you do if you child is the bully?

  • no blaming or shaming
  • let them know that you love them & will work with them so that they don’t need to bully again.
  • bullies have often been bullied or experienced a traumatic event – be inquisitive about what has lead them to bully
  • try to establish if they have an understanding of what they have done
  • help them understand how the person they have bullied might have been affected
  • bullying is often a need for a sense of power and control – explore how they could make themselves feel ok without putting someone else down
  • explore what they could do to apologise/make it up to their victim

What should you do if your child is being bullied –

  • listen carefully and show empathy
  • stay calm – they need to feel safe and that you will not rush in and make the situation worse
  • reassure them that it is not their fault
  • collect any evidence
  • ask them how they would like you to help – it is important to give them a sense of power and control at this stage because they will not have felt this as a victim
  • encourage them to identify and speak to a trusted adult at school – they do not need to suffer in silence
  • if they are being bullied online help them block the offender and report to site security
  • identify adults they could go to if they feel unsafe
  • help them develop their social skills to stop the bullying and prevent it happening again
  • build their self-esteem
  • offer counselling to help them deal with the emotional impact of bullying


Each day this week, Alicia will be looking at bullying from all angles and giving you the strategies to help if your child is being bullied or doing the bullying. Read more at Teen Tips

Alicia is a therapist accredited with the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy; she is also a pastoral care consultant working with over 100 schools in the UK and abroad and, perhaps most importantly, is a parent.Teen Tips Courses, Talks and Workshops are designed to give information, advice and practical tips and tools to help you to help teenagers fulfil their potential.Visit her website for more information here www.teentips.co.uk/

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